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Redeemed: To buy back. To change for the better. To atone for. To restore.

Today I held my little girl for the first time in her almost six weeks of life. It was a glorious hour that I'll never forget. Each moment and movement so vividly carved forever in my memory. Oh, how I love this child.

For a long time I've been afraid of the day they would tell me I could hold her. I held Mary Grace and Madelyn as they breathed their last breaths. To me, holding my child meant a painful goodbye.

I worried for weeks that Olivia's life would end the same way - that my first time to hold her would also be my last. There was a part of me that had been hurt so badly and, whether I fully realized it or not, I was trying to guard my heart from more pain. 

Over the last few weeks something in my heart began to change. I ached to hold her.

In my mind, yesterday afternoon was the beginning of redemption. 

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. (Psalm 130:7)


  1. Oh I am SO VERY happy for you! That truly is so redeeming and so very special. Praise the Lord! I absolutely love the pic with her hand on your chin.

  2. How precious! So excited for you! Continuing to pray for you and your family - hoping she continues to grow healthy and strong!

  3. I'm speechless. And teary eyed of course. So thankful and grateful for redemption and how the Lord allows it in our lives.

  4. Your words are so powerful and meaningful. I'm so glad you got to hold your sweet girl. It's a beautiful sight. Love you!

  5. I am so happy for you!! Praying for Miss Olivia, you and Reid as you all continue through this journey. Olivia is perfect in everyway and is extremely lucky to have such wonderful parents!

  6. What a wonderful post! I just want you to know I found your blog shortly before you went on bedrest and have written your names in my prayer journal each night since. Prayers from southern Missouri!

  7. Praise the Lard GOD is GOOD!!!! Still praying for you and her :)

  8. My heart is so full for you! I love the picture of her hand on your chin... you can tell she LOVES you and she's still so tiny. Praying for all of you daily....

  9. Oh my goodness! God is good! This is almost making me cry HAPPY tears!!

  10. Simply amazing. My heart is bursting for you. What joy! I love that for you and Reid.

  11. The look on your face in the last picture says it all. Olivia is right where she belongs, in her mama's arms. God is so good!

  12. what a sweet blessing! praying for you in Brandon, MS!
    Beth Hooks

  13. YEA! YEA! YEA! So happy!

  14. Perfection! Her tiny hand on your chin says it all.

    I waited 16 days to hold one of my sons ... I cannot imagine 6 weeks. So, so happy for you!

  15. I have been reading your blog (very often through tears) for several weeks now. I am praying for Olivia to pull through and praying for that moment when you get to bring her home and start your life as a family in your home together. God is so good and faithful. He has big plans for this little sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  16. This is such a beautiful post! I am so happy that she's doing well and you're thriving too!

  17. You don't know me but I am Jennifer's mom ( She posted your blog on hers b/c she was so deeply affected by your fervent and constant love for the Lord even in the midst of the deepest of sorrow. I want you to know that you are shining the light of the Gospel into the dark world around you, and I believe God is glorified through your very real season of suffering. And I wanted to say thank you. I've never know the kind of loss you have experienced. But I serve the same God you do, and He is worthy of your praise. May you sense His sweet presence in your sorrow and in your joy. God bless you, your husband, and your sweet Olivia.

  18. Olivia must have been in heaven when she got to hear your heartbeat, and to be snuggled by your warmth once again! God has YOU each in His hand- and little Olivia is is such a beautiful reminder of His Grace :) Beautiful, beautiful photos and what a gorgeous child!


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Past Posts

Mary Grace

At 2:00 am this morning, our sweet Mary Grace was welcomed to Heaven. We found out this afternoon that she had a large brain hemorrhage. Reid and I spent three precious hours holding our daughter tonight. The nurses wrapped a pink bow around her little head and we swaddled her in a soft pink elephant blanket. During those hours, we told Mary Grace how proud we were of her fight, how she fulfilled our dreams of one day having a daughter to call "Gracie," and we even took a little nap, snuggled together as a family. If we told her we loved her once, we told her a thousand times. We prayed over her and gave her back to the Lord. We miss her more than words can say. I feel like we were punched in the stomach today and left with the wind knocked out of our lungs. Its so hard to understand "why?" in all of this. Tonight when we left the hospital, Reid turned on this song by David Crowder Band and we listened to it on repeat the whole way home. Its the exact state of our

One day at a time

For the first time in my life I feel like I'm truly living one day at a time. Reid and I had a pretty good day yesterday. We were able to sleep in which was wonderful. Reid made us lunch and we sat outside in the backyard. It was a beautiful day and being outside did a lot of good for my mental health. :) There were still a lot of hard moments as memories from the night before would come rushing back to mind. We miss our sweet babies so much. Olivia had a good day yesterday. It was uneventful (which is a very good thing in the NICU) and they were able to turn down some of her medicine. We call every morning to check on our sweet girl and her nurse was quick to tell us how feisty our daughter is. We picked up on that in her first day of life, but it was funny to hear that someone else had observed the same. We are so in love with our feisty little Olivia. After we left the hospital, Reid and I went on a dinner date. It was so good for us to get out and feel like we

Madelyn Barrett

I really don't even know where to begin or how to write this post. I've put it off for several days hoping that maybe if I let things sink in a little more it would be easy. This will never be easy. As you know, we welcomed three beautiful little girls into the world on Friday afternoon. We had hoped to continue to "buy time" and hold off on delivery for several more weeks. God has always had a plan much bigger than either Reid or I could ever imagine. I have to chose to believe, everyday, that somehow this all fits perfectly into that plan. We knew from the time of her delivery that Madelyn was struggling the most. The circumstances surrounding her birth caused a lot of trauma to her tiny body. After a day of fighting for a positive outcome, the neonatologist came to visit with us and told us it was time to let her go. Late Saturday night we went to the NICU to hold our precious baby for the first and last time. She was absolutely perfect and looked just like h


God has blessed our family with quite a surprise! Olivia is getting a little brother or sister in early December. We are thrilled! As of today I am nine weeks along. We went to the doctor several weeks ago and were able to see the tiny bundle and hear the heartbeat. Everything looks great and we are so thankful! I'll share more details in the next few weeks. :)

Family of Four

If all continues to go well we will be headed home from the hospital tomorrow. I got a little stir crazy this afternoon and walking the halls just wasn't going to cut it so I went down to the gift shop to browse a bit. It feels so good to actually feel good after surgery. I also feel pretty rested and I'm very ready to settle into our new normal at home. My dad and Ann have been taking care of Olivia and have been such a tremendous help to us. Reid's parents were in town until this afternoon and Olivia got to spend some time with them yesterday. She's been very well taken care of by all her grandparents and I'm pretty sure she hasn't thought twice about us. Out of sight, out of mind. She has had a cough for a few days so Reid took her to the doctor this morning. Sure enough the cough is just allergy related but sweet girl has her first ear infection. The good news is that she hasn't run a fever and was able to get antibiotics to treat it. For all the change