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Longing for Heaven

There aren't many changes to report. I'm still in L & D getting magnesium sulfate through a PICC line. We are trying to keep the contractions at bay and buy some time. My doctors say we are in uncharted waters and the best things we can do are wait and pray.

Since Catherine was born we've had daily sonograms to check the other babies. I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be to see just three babies on the screen. I didn't know who was who because everyone's positions were always determined by Cate. We are thankful that our other three daughters have looked great on each scan.

Many of you know from reading my blog that my mom has Alzheimer's Disease. I learned last night that she has stopped swallowing and was moved to hospice. She is resting comfortably and the doctor says she will go soon.

I feel like I'm living my worst nightmare. I told Reid today that all I want to do is curl up on our bed at home cry for hours. I want to mourn my mom and Cate, but I also want to stay strong for Madelyn, Mary Grace, and Olivia. My doctors and nurses know our situation and have stressed how important it is that I remain calm. So, right now that's my priority.

The thought that brings me the most comfort is that, though my mom is about to meet Jesus and be made whole again, she's also going to meet our perfect Cate.

I'm so excited to see what God has in store for our lives and for our three precious girls. But, tonight I understand more deeply than ever that this world is not our Home.

2 Corinthians 4:16-5:9


  1. Mare,
    I'm so sorry to hear that the last few days have been so difficult for you. I can't even imagine. Know that my prayers are with you and Reid and your girls. I pray that you'll have peace in the midst of sorrow and uncertainty.


  2. Mare my heart hurts for you so much. I know a lot of people may say that to you, but I am SO serious when I say I ache for you. I wish I could just take your pain away or trade places with you. Life just isn't fair. I love you so so so much!

  3. Mary Virginia,

    I am saying prayers for you and your sweet girls. I wish so much I could take all the pain from you and your family. Continue to be strong. Those little girls just need to bake a little longer.Love and hugs to you, Erin Rogers

  4. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I pray that your faith in God carries you through & that you feel his presence & that brings you peace.

  5. Mary Virginia--I am praying that God will wrap all of you in His loving and caring arms and that this will carry you through this valley. Your faith and your family and friends are and will be a continuous support and strength.

    Sarah Frost
    Kate Frost Walker's mother

  6. I'm so sorry, I will continue to lift all of you up to the Lord. God bless.

  7. Words fail me, but God does not. Today I lift you to the one who walks on water, is the author and finisher of life, holds and counts our tears in the palm of his nail scarred hands. Praying that you feel His comfort, His love, the peace that only He can give. Blessings to you and to all you love, here on earth and in heaven...

  8. Sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I'm so very very sorry!!!!

  9. Praying for ya'll. I am so sorry to hear of Cate going to Heaven. God knew long ago that your mom would be rocking Cate in her arms one day, what a sweet image! Stay strong! Love, Ashley Carson

  10. thinking of you and praying for you daily!

  11. Mary Virginia, I am so sorry to hear about your mom and Cate. I am praying hard for you and your family. I hope the Lord will overwhelm you with His peace. Thank you for keeping us updated. Hugs to you!

  12. This breaks my heart. Praying for you, for strength, peace, and comfort.

  13. I am not even sure how I found your blog....but please know I am praying for you and sending peace and strength to you during this time. God's timing is perfect...stay strong.

  14. I haven't been able to get you and your family off of my mind since reading this this morning! May God put his arms around you and confort you and those sweet babies. You will continue to be in my prayers!
    Melissa Lanier
    Calhoun Ga

  15. Oh, friend. I am so sorry. Praying so much and thinking about you all the time.

  16. My heart is literally aching for you. I have no words. I am just so sorry! I am praying!

  17. Sweet Mare. I do not even have words to express how sorry I am for all you are having to go through. It seems like way too much to handle but I know that God's grace will be sufficient through this tough time. You are amazing and I am in constant prayer for you and your family and those sweet babies. Love you!

  18. Amanda McMullan HargroveApril 3, 2012 at 7:54 PM

    Oh Mare! How my heart hurts for you!!! I don't have the words to say- nothing could make things better or easier- just know you are being COVERED in prayer and are thought of every second! You are so strong and so precious- take your moments you need and save the rest for those 3 precious angels still inside you. Your mom and Cate will watch over yall- they will always be ther, like your own personal angels. Lots of love, tears, and hugs going out to you right now and in the days to come. Love you so so very much sweet friend!!!

  19. I am praying that everything is still the same for you and your three daughters...I am very sorry for the impending loss of your mother and the loss of your daughter. Cyber hugs from Canada and prayers and strength for you and your husband.

  20. Oh Mare, I am praying sincerely for you, your husband, those precious babies and your mom. What a trying time for you, I could not even imagine. You seem to exhibit an other-wordly strength that only God can give, and I am glad that you have the foresight and the clarity to remain calm and focus on the task at hand. What a strong and amazing soul He has blessed you with. All of you are in my thoughts & prayers each day. xo, your fellow quad mom

  21. I am praying for you and your family. I am a mom of multiples and I lost one along my journey as well. We started with 5 and delivered 4. I will pray that God will grant you patience, peace, and will remind you to take in all the blessings in your life. Remember, he isn't walking with you right now, he is carrying you until you can stand again.

  22. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time. It is so very sweet to think that your mom will be in heaven one day to hold your precious little Cate.

  23. Thinking about you and praying for your family. From one quad mom to another, hang in there momma.


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Past Posts

Mary Grace

At 2:00 am this morning, our sweet Mary Grace was welcomed to Heaven. We found out this afternoon that she had a large brain hemorrhage. Reid and I spent three precious hours holding our daughter tonight. The nurses wrapped a pink bow around her little head and we swaddled her in a soft pink elephant blanket. During those hours, we told Mary Grace how proud we were of her fight, how she fulfilled our dreams of one day having a daughter to call "Gracie," and we even took a little nap, snuggled together as a family. If we told her we loved her once, we told her a thousand times. We prayed over her and gave her back to the Lord. We miss her more than words can say. I feel like we were punched in the stomach today and left with the wind knocked out of our lungs. Its so hard to understand "why?" in all of this. Tonight when we left the hospital, Reid turned on this song by David Crowder Band and we listened to it on repeat the whole way home. Its the exact state of our

One day at a time

For the first time in my life I feel like I'm truly living one day at a time. Reid and I had a pretty good day yesterday. We were able to sleep in which was wonderful. Reid made us lunch and we sat outside in the backyard. It was a beautiful day and being outside did a lot of good for my mental health. :) There were still a lot of hard moments as memories from the night before would come rushing back to mind. We miss our sweet babies so much. Olivia had a good day yesterday. It was uneventful (which is a very good thing in the NICU) and they were able to turn down some of her medicine. We call every morning to check on our sweet girl and her nurse was quick to tell us how feisty our daughter is. We picked up on that in her first day of life, but it was funny to hear that someone else had observed the same. We are so in love with our feisty little Olivia. After we left the hospital, Reid and I went on a dinner date. It was so good for us to get out and feel like we

Madelyn Barrett

I really don't even know where to begin or how to write this post. I've put it off for several days hoping that maybe if I let things sink in a little more it would be easy. This will never be easy. As you know, we welcomed three beautiful little girls into the world on Friday afternoon. We had hoped to continue to "buy time" and hold off on delivery for several more weeks. God has always had a plan much bigger than either Reid or I could ever imagine. I have to chose to believe, everyday, that somehow this all fits perfectly into that plan. We knew from the time of her delivery that Madelyn was struggling the most. The circumstances surrounding her birth caused a lot of trauma to her tiny body. After a day of fighting for a positive outcome, the neonatologist came to visit with us and told us it was time to let her go. Late Saturday night we went to the NICU to hold our precious baby for the first and last time. She was absolutely perfect and looked just like h

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