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Dates

We made it through another month of "dates." I wish I could say those days get easier but they just don't. I told Reid that sometimes I wish I could re-live the whole experience just to get to have time with our girls again.

As we get closer and closer to bringing Olivia home the reality of our loss has really set in. The past few days have made me wonder, if all of our babies had survived, who would me coming home first? Would they come home just days apart or weeks? Would they all have been laid back like Olivia? (probably not :) )

Last week, on July 11, three months after we found out Mary Grace wouldn't make it, I went and visited our girls' grave. I hadn't been since the week before Mother's Day and had been thinking about the three of them quite a bit. The last arrangement we need to make is to finalize the stone that will sit above their grave. We've put it off for months now. It seems like that decision makes everything so final and real. I would give anything for that part of our story to not be real.




When I got back in my car to drive home, the song 10,000 Reasons was playing on the radio (I don't think it was coincidence at all). I've heard the song a million times before but these lines gave me chill bumps all over.


The sun comes up, 
it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul 
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name


I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for Olivia. The hand of the Lord has truly been upon her over the last three months. I was talking with another NICU mom at the hospital whose son was born at 23 weeks (Olivia, Madelyn and Mary Grace were 23w4d). The mom told me that her son is 33 weeks and is still on the ventilator because he keeps getting infections. My heart broke. The only 23 weeker I've ever met is my daughter. She's all I know and, to me, her progressing from CPAP to a nasal cannula, all before 33 weeks, was normal. I realized there was a different scenario being played out for another baby right down the hall from mine. It made me so grateful that we've come so far. Will you join me in praying for the 23 weeker who is still on the vent? I don't know his name, but God does and I know, now more than ever, He hears our prayers.



Comments

  1. seeing their markers made me tear up. I so wish that you didn't have to walk this path. I can't wait to meet them in Heaven! Love you sweet friend, and am praying for you and Reid!

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  2. I can not wait for the post of when you bring home your little angel Olivia, she is so so precious. Keep smothering her with your kisses, they never have to many.

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  3. I will pray and pray for that sweet baby and his family. I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girls. How absolutely heart-wrenching. I will be praying for your beautiful Olivia, that health and strength will cover her tiny body. I will pray for peace and strength for you and your family during this time of such mixed emotions! I am so sorry, sweet mama...

    Elle's mommy

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  4. I am a friend of Joye's. I lost my baby girl Evie in September of last year. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I am so glad Olivia is doing so well. I know that doesn't make losing Madelyn, Catherine and Mary Grace any easier. I am so thankful you have such a wonderful support group and such a strong faith. Those two things are what has gotten me through and I know they will you also!

    ReplyDelete
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Past Posts

Mary Grace

At 2:00 am this morning, our sweet Mary Grace was welcomed to Heaven. We found out this afternoon that she had a large brain hemorrhage. Reid and I spent three precious hours holding our daughter tonight. The nurses wrapped a pink bow around her little head and we swaddled her in a soft pink elephant blanket. During those hours, we told Mary Grace how proud we were of her fight, how she fulfilled our dreams of one day having a daughter to call "Gracie," and we even took a little nap, snuggled together as a family. If we told her we loved her once, we told her a thousand times. We prayed over her and gave her back to the Lord. We miss her more than words can say.

I feel like we were punched in the stomach today and left with the wind knocked out of our lungs. Its so hard to understand "why?" in all of this. Tonight when we left the hospital, Reid turned on this song by David Crowder Band and we listened to it on repeat the whole way home. Its the exact state of our …

Madelyn Barrett

I really don't even know where to begin or how to write this post. I've put it off for several days hoping that maybe if I let things sink in a little more it would be easy. This will never be easy.

As you know, we welcomed three beautiful little girls into the world on Friday afternoon. We had hoped to continue to "buy time" and hold off on delivery for several more weeks. God has always had a plan much bigger than either Reid or I could ever imagine. I have to chose to believe, everyday, that somehow this all fits perfectly into that plan.

We knew from the time of her delivery that Madelyn was struggling the most. The circumstances surrounding her birth caused a lot of trauma to her tiny body. After a day of fighting for a positive outcome, the neonatologist came to visit with us and told us it was time to let her go.

Late Saturday night we went to the NICU to hold our precious baby for the first and last time. She was absolutely perfect and looked just like her da…

The babies are here!

Friends and Family,

Late this afternoon we became the proud parents of three little girls. Madelyn Barrett: 1 pound Olivia Bain: 1 pound, 5 ounces Mary Grace: 1 pound, 10 ounces The babies are stable in the NICU  tonight and we are hopeful that God is going to move mountains as they grow and thrive.

Madelyn's (Baby B) amniotic sac ruptured on Sunday night. We had a sonogram done each day this week to check her heart beat, fluid level, and position. The doctors told us Friday morning that she was not likely to make it and that delivering her was not an option as it put too much risk on Mary Grace and Olivia. Once again, we were told to wait and see. Around 4:30 Friday afternoon I delivered Madelyn. The NICU team was here immediately to begin working on her. When the doctor checked on the status of the other girls, he saw signs of infection and he immediately performed an emergency c-section to deliver Mary Grace and Olivia.

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For all the change O…

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