Skip to main content

Day Four: Living without regret

When I was little, about eight, my dad let me watch Jaws with him when my mom was out of town. Big mistake. Not only was going in the ocean out of the question, but I even feared the deep end of a swimming pool.

I'll save the story about how the Big Foot Documentary affected me for another post!

To say I was terrified was an understatement; to say I was being irrational only made me more mad. You see, I've learned in dealing with some other issues that kids can't process what they see in movies or on TV before the age of 13. They aren't phychologically able to reason what is real and what isn't. For me, things my parents let me see when I was young caused a great deal of anxiety that manifested itself in different ways in my life. I was terrified that if I left them something bad would happen - this was a theme played out in those movies I shouldn't have watched. I finallly had to own up to my fears, take responsibility for them, find ways to work it out, and ultimately trust that God certainly knew all the breaths I would take on this Earth before I was ever born. He was in control no matter how much I worried.

I know it might sound silly that watching Jaws, a Big Foot Doc, and other movies (I don't mean Free Willie or Home Alone) when I was young gave me anxiety, but it did. The Lord tells us to guard our hearts and minds and I think it is especially important for parents to do that for their children. I don't blame my parents, because my struggle has taught me a lot and I've been able to overcome it.

Anyway, I'll get off my soap box.

Like I said, one of my biggest (and most irrational fears) has been of the ocean. There were a few times in high school, because of peer pressure, when I got in and didn't say anything. I can count the times I've been in the ocean, though, on two hands. That's saying a lot considering I've been to the beach quite a bit.

Reid has been pestering me to Scuba dive with him for years. My response was always something a little more dramatic than "NO WAY" but it gets the point across.

I never thought I would change my mind, and never thought I would want to even get certified.

At the end of May I was on a plane that had just taken off from Dallas and was headed to San Diego where I would meet Reid and board a cruise ship for a few days with his family. Shortly after takeoff, maybe 40 minutes into the flight, things were not right. I've flown enough to know that the sound those engines were making were not the sounds of a peaceful flight. The flight attendents were panicing, but everyone else on the plane was silent. I looked around at people wiping tears from their eyes, holding the hand of the stranger next to them, and a few families with young children they triend to keep occupied. We lost pressure and altitude quickly and things on the ground outside my window became larger. The pilot's voice came over the speakers and said we had to turn around for an emergency landing. He also told us not to be alarmed by the emergency personel we would see on the runway. This was in case something happened during landing.

Everything inside me went numb. I picked up my phone to try to get a signal to text Reid and tell him what was happening. I knew planes could fly on one engine. I was thankful I knew more about aviation from my consultant husband than I'd ever wanted.

I just kept thinking of Psalm 139:16 and that if this was the day that God had ordained for me to meet Him then I wasn't going to be able to stop it. It was an amazing peace that I've thought a lot about since then.

Our plane did land safely at DFW, I was rebooked on a different flight, and left with a new perspective.

After talking through the emotions of that plane ride with Reid, I decided I didn't want to live with regret. My first step would be to go Scuba diving if he would take me somewhere cool! He kept up his end of the bargain and that brings us to yesterday.

We went on two boat dives at about 60 feet under and saw some pretty cool stuff. I held a cute little starfish, Reid held a huge, ink squirting octopus, there were Eels, and beautiful fish.

My favorite was swimming with the huge 4-5 ft turtles. They are so big the look prehistoric! And, I can't forget to mention I swam right next to a 4 ft shark and didn't even breath hard. How's that for coming a long way?


-- Post From My iPhone

Comments

  1. Mare! I am so proud of you!!! I don't think I would be able to conquer that fear. I hope that you're having such a great time. Love you and miss you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow!! I am so proud of you!!! I had a similar experience on a plane once and felt the same thing! I am so proud of you for not letting fear win!!! I am so glad you are having fun!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Past Posts

Mary Grace

At 2:00 am this morning, our sweet Mary Grace was welcomed to Heaven. We found out this afternoon that she had a large brain hemorrhage. Reid and I spent three precious hours holding our daughter tonight. The nurses wrapped a pink bow around her little head and we swaddled her in a soft pink elephant blanket. During those hours, we told Mary Grace how proud we were of her fight, how she fulfilled our dreams of one day having a daughter to call "Gracie," and we even took a little nap, snuggled together as a family. If we told her we loved her once, we told her a thousand times. We prayed over her and gave her back to the Lord. We miss her more than words can say.

I feel like we were punched in the stomach today and left with the wind knocked out of our lungs. Its so hard to understand "why?" in all of this. Tonight when we left the hospital, Reid turned on this song by David Crowder Band and we listened to it on repeat the whole way home. Its the exact state of our …

Madelyn Barrett

I really don't even know where to begin or how to write this post. I've put it off for several days hoping that maybe if I let things sink in a little more it would be easy. This will never be easy.

As you know, we welcomed three beautiful little girls into the world on Friday afternoon. We had hoped to continue to "buy time" and hold off on delivery for several more weeks. God has always had a plan much bigger than either Reid or I could ever imagine. I have to chose to believe, everyday, that somehow this all fits perfectly into that plan.

We knew from the time of her delivery that Madelyn was struggling the most. The circumstances surrounding her birth caused a lot of trauma to her tiny body. After a day of fighting for a positive outcome, the neonatologist came to visit with us and told us it was time to let her go.

Late Saturday night we went to the NICU to hold our precious baby for the first and last time. She was absolutely perfect and looked just like her da…

The babies are here!

Friends and Family,

Late this afternoon we became the proud parents of three little girls. Madelyn Barrett: 1 pound Olivia Bain: 1 pound, 5 ounces Mary Grace: 1 pound, 10 ounces The babies are stable in the NICU  tonight and we are hopeful that God is going to move mountains as they grow and thrive.

Madelyn's (Baby B) amniotic sac ruptured on Sunday night. We had a sonogram done each day this week to check her heart beat, fluid level, and position. The doctors told us Friday morning that she was not likely to make it and that delivering her was not an option as it put too much risk on Mary Grace and Olivia. Once again, we were told to wait and see. Around 4:30 Friday afternoon I delivered Madelyn. The NICU team was here immediately to begin working on her. When the doctor checked on the status of the other girls, he saw signs of infection and he immediately performed an emergency c-section to deliver Mary Grace and Olivia.

We have seen the Lord's mercy through each tough d…

Family of Four

If all continues to go well we will be headed home from the hospital tomorrow. I got a little stir crazy this afternoon and walking the halls just wasn't going to cut it so I went down to the gift shop to browse a bit. It feels so good to actually feel good after surgery. I also feel pretty rested and I'm very ready to settle into our new normal at home.

My dad and Ann have been taking care of Olivia and have been such a tremendous help to us. Reid's parents were in town until this afternoon and Olivia got to spend some time with them yesterday. She's been very well taken care of by all her grandparents and I'm pretty sure she hasn't thought twice about us. Out of sight, out of mind.

She has had a cough for a few days so Reid took her to the doctor this morning. Sure enough the cough is just allergy related but sweet girl has her first ear infection. The good news is that she hasn't run a fever and was able to get antibiotics to treat it.

For all the change O…

One day at a time

For the first time in my life I feel like I'm truly living one day at a time. Reid and I had a pretty good day yesterday. We were able to sleep in which was wonderful. Reid made us lunch and we sat outside in the backyard. It was a beautiful day and being outside did a lot of good for my mental health. :) There were still a lot of hard moments as memories from the night before would come rushing back to mind. We miss our sweet babies so much.

Olivia had a good day yesterday. It was uneventful (which is a very good thing in the NICU) and they were able to turn down some of her medicine. We call every morning to check on our sweet girl and her nurse was quick to tell us how feisty our daughter is. We picked up on that in her first day of life, but it was funny to hear that someone else had observed the same. We are so in love with our feisty little Olivia.

After we left the hospital, Reid and I went on a dinner date. It was so good for us to get out and feel like we c…