Skip to main content

Never Alone

The  year ‘s end is quickly approaching, meaning that my blog has been up and running for nearly  sixteen months. Sixteen months of our journey has been charted. Unfortunately, I have been less than diligent to record every happening. Sometimes it seems to hard, and lately I find myself  selfishly shamed by the progression of my mom’s Disease.  In fact, it is for this very reason that I have put off writing this post.

While home for Thanksgiving I witnessed for the first time the uncontrollable jerking spasms in her arms. It prohibits her from holding drinks, food, etc. as she does not even realize they are occurring. An appointment with a neurologist has been made, and I am sure he will tell us it is all part of the progression of this Disease I am hating more and more each day. On the bright side, I am thankful that she doesn’t realize she has these unusual movements. Sadly, however, it is a reminder to all those around her , who love her so dearly, that she is getting worse.

For the past month, or so, my mom has been obsessed with something in the dining room at my parents house. One wall in that room is mirrored, and knowing she has been curious about her reflection for a while  I naturally assumed it had something to do with that.  Just recently I found out she has started spending several hours a day in the mirror in the dining room talking to herself. I don’t know if she knows it is her  that she is talking to, but she must feel comfort from the familiarity of the face and voice.

I hesitated to share this. It is so personal, what I consider to be the most personal thing I have shared thus far in my journey with you over the past year. I know my old Mom. I know what a strong, self-sufficient, social woman she was. I think this was what she feared when she  was diagnosed. Loosing control of herself.

While I am “Debbie Downer” most of the time when thinking about my mom, my Auntie Joye and Reid both brought up great thoughts that have humbled me – my mom may not be well, but she is, for the most part, happy, and certainly loved.

These are lyrics to one of my favorite new songs by Jim Brickman and Lady Antebellum:

Never Alone

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when its time to go home

May you always have plenty

The glass never empty

Know in your belly

You're never alone

May your tears come from laughing

You find friends worth having

With every year passing

They mean more than gold

May you win but stay humble

Smile more than grumble

And know when you stumble

You're never alone

Chorus: 

Never alone

Never alone

I'll be in every beat of your heart

When you face the unknown

Wherever you fly

This isn't goodbye

My love will follow you stay with you

Baby you're never alone

well

I have to be honest

As much as I wanted

I'm not gonna promise that the cold winds won't blow

So when hard times have found you

And your fears surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Chorus 

May the angels protect you

Trouble neglect you

And heaven accept you when its time to go home

And when hard times have found you

And your fears surround you

Wrap my love around you

You're never alone

Chorus 

My love will follow you stay with you

Baby you're never alone 

Comments

  1. Oh Mary Virginia, this post left me in tears...thank you so much for your vulnerability. I can't imagine watching my mom go through so much...YOU ARE SO STRONG!! Know that I am praying for your entire family.

    Love,
    Lindsey

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mare, I love you so much. I cannot tell you how special it was watching those old home videos on Thanksgiving. I want you to know that that is exactly how I always think of your mom - over at the Martin's pool while we all swam and beat up on George. We had so much fun all together and those are some of my most cherished memories.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a gorgeous song! I am looking it up on iTunes right now - can't wait to hear the music. Mare, I love you and am praying for you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Past Posts

Mary Grace

At 2:00 am this morning, our sweet Mary Grace was welcomed to Heaven. We found out this afternoon that she had a large brain hemorrhage. Reid and I spent three precious hours holding our daughter tonight. The nurses wrapped a pink bow around her little head and we swaddled her in a soft pink elephant blanket. During those hours, we told Mary Grace how proud we were of her fight, how she fulfilled our dreams of one day having a daughter to call "Gracie," and we even took a little nap, snuggled together as a family. If we told her we loved her once, we told her a thousand times. We prayed over her and gave her back to the Lord. We miss her more than words can say. I feel like we were punched in the stomach today and left with the wind knocked out of our lungs. Its so hard to understand "why?" in all of this. Tonight when we left the hospital, Reid turned on this song by David Crowder Band and we listened to it on repeat the whole way home. Its the exact state of our

One day at a time

For the first time in my life I feel like I'm truly living one day at a time. Reid and I had a pretty good day yesterday. We were able to sleep in which was wonderful. Reid made us lunch and we sat outside in the backyard. It was a beautiful day and being outside did a lot of good for my mental health. :) There were still a lot of hard moments as memories from the night before would come rushing back to mind. We miss our sweet babies so much. Olivia had a good day yesterday. It was uneventful (which is a very good thing in the NICU) and they were able to turn down some of her medicine. We call every morning to check on our sweet girl and her nurse was quick to tell us how feisty our daughter is. We picked up on that in her first day of life, but it was funny to hear that someone else had observed the same. We are so in love with our feisty little Olivia. After we left the hospital, Reid and I went on a dinner date. It was so good for us to get out and feel like we

Madelyn Barrett

I really don't even know where to begin or how to write this post. I've put it off for several days hoping that maybe if I let things sink in a little more it would be easy. This will never be easy. As you know, we welcomed three beautiful little girls into the world on Friday afternoon. We had hoped to continue to "buy time" and hold off on delivery for several more weeks. God has always had a plan much bigger than either Reid or I could ever imagine. I have to chose to believe, everyday, that somehow this all fits perfectly into that plan. We knew from the time of her delivery that Madelyn was struggling the most. The circumstances surrounding her birth caused a lot of trauma to her tiny body. After a day of fighting for a positive outcome, the neonatologist came to visit with us and told us it was time to let her go. Late Saturday night we went to the NICU to hold our precious baby for the first and last time. She was absolutely perfect and looked just like h

Surprise!

God has blessed our family with quite a surprise! Olivia is getting a little brother or sister in early December. We are thrilled! As of today I am nine weeks along. We went to the doctor several weeks ago and were able to see the tiny bundle and hear the heartbeat. Everything looks great and we are so thankful! I'll share more details in the next few weeks. :)

The babies are here!

Friends and Family, Late this afternoon we became the proud parents of three little girls. Madelyn Barrett: 1 pound Olivia Bain: 1 pound, 5 ounces Mary Grace: 1 pound, 10 ounces The babies are stable in the NICU  tonight and we are hopeful that God is going to move mountains as they grow and thrive. Madelyn's (Baby B) amniotic sac ruptured on Sunday night. We had a sonogram done each day this week to check her heart beat, fluid level, and position. The doctors told us Friday morning that she was not likely to make it and that delivering her was not an option as it put too much risk on Mary Grace and Olivia. Once again, we were told to wait and see. Around 4:30 Friday afternoon I delivered Madelyn. The NICU team was here immediately to begin working on her. When the doctor checked on the status of the other girls, he saw signs of infection and he immediately performed an emergency c-section to deliver Mary Grace and Olivia. We have seen the Lord's mercy through each to